ウルリヒ自身はさしたる抵抗もなく、捕縛された。ツェーエンの領館に連れてこられたとき、10人程の屈強な騎士団員に囲まれた彼は、家屋上げて真っ直ぐに前を見据えていた。
堂々として穏やかで、口元にはうっすらと笑みすら浮かんでいた。動揺も怒りも困惑でも諦めでもない、事を成し遂げた達成感すら感じているようだった。
彼の顔色に変化が見られたのは、館の広間に入って来た時。そこに父親の姿を見つけた時だった。
「ち、父上…」
ウルリヒの顔に感情が表れるのを初めて見た。戸惑い、恐れている。
ベルンハルト伯爵は、息子の元へつかつかと歩み寄る。真正面に立ち、真っ直ぐに彼を見据えた。ウルリヒの方がやや背が高く、見上げる格好になる。
一瞬の間があって、ゴッ…！と鈍い音がした。骨と骨がぶつかり合う音。
ウルリヒははじけるように床に倒れこんでいた。驚いたような当惑した表情で父親を見上げている。
「ど…どうして…」
「お前が…ここまで愚かだとは思わなかった」
伯爵は激しい怒りを露わにした。
「伯爵家の嫡男として…立派に…育って欲しかったのに。ようやく真面目になったと思ったのに、お前というやつは…」
ウルリヒは赤くなった頬を押さえることもせず、ただがっくりと肩を落とし、頭を垂れた。
「だが…幼かったお前を追い詰めたのは…私だな。済まなかった」
伯爵は座り込んだ。そして息子の肩に手を置く。伯爵の目には光るものがあった。顔を上げたウルリヒは父の目を見て、そして肩を震わせた。
「ち、父上…ごめんなさい…ごめんなさい…」
ふぇっふえっと幼子のようにしゃくり上げ、ウルリヒは父の背中にすがって泣いた。
＊
＊
＊
ウルリヒ・フォン・ベルンハルト。
幼い頃は周囲に優秀な子供だと思われていたし、僕自身もそう思っていた。
だが、僕にとって不幸だったのは２つ下に王太子と侯爵家の子弟がいたことだ。小さな頃から才能を発揮する彼らに、何度屈辱を味わせられたか解らない。
「どんなに頑張ってもあいつらには勝てない…」
劣等感は心を蝕み、良からぬ方へと僕を導いた。
「こんなこともできないのですか！？ カレンベルク家のお坊ちゃまはこの本をすべて暗唱なさいますよ！」
「力が弱い！アレク様の剣はもっと重いですぞ！」
「今日の会議を見学なさっていた殿下がゲルト地方の施策に助言されて採用されたのだ。いやあ王国は安泰だな」
周りの大人たち、父や家庭教師が発奮させるためにかけてくる言葉がとにかく苛立たしかった。
厳しい躾と教育に耐え切れず泣きついた時、優しく頭を撫でてくれた母は幼い僕を残して逝ってしまった。
父の後妻となった義母は優しい人だったが、親しくはなれなかった。程なくして妹が生まれ、弟も生まれた。父は口では嫡男としての期待をしていると言ったが、その目は明らかに生まれたばかりの弟に向いていた。
家に居場所のない僕は王都をさまよった。入り組んだ路地の片隅に座り込んでいると、自分と同じ年頃の少年が声をかけてきた。彼は僕を排泄物の匂いのする路地の奥にある店へと案内した。
”ビーネ”という粗末な飲み屋。そこは掃き溜めのようなところだったが、掃き溜めらしく何でもあった。酒、薬、女。
無いのはつまらぬしがらみだけ。誰も僕の身の上なんて気にしない。あそこにいる者は身分の上下なく、仲間だ。皆、家族から爪弾きにされた奴等ばっかりだ。
その店で最初に魔薬をくれたのは、赤毛の女だったと思う。店の二階でひとしきりの興奮を終えても、今ひとつ高揚感が足りないと思っていたときに差し出された。それはピンク色のグミのように見えた。
「これを飲めば嫌なこと全部忘れられるわ」
そいつの言った通り、飲んでしばらくたつと、不快な気分は消え、心地良く酔えた。酒よりずっと高揚感がある。自分が何だってできるような気になった。ただ、次の日は最悪だった。脳がドロドロに溶け出すようで、猛烈な哀しみに襲われるのだ。
「そんな時はこいつを飲むといい」
仲間の男がくれたのは白い錠剤だったが、結局はこれも魔薬だった。
魔薬があれば脳が高揚し、普段とは比べ物にならないほどの集中力を発揮できた。そんなとき、父や家庭教師は心から喜んでくれたものだった。
アカデミーに入学してからも、僕は定期的に店に通った。クスリが無ければまともに日常生活が送れなくなっていたからだ。朝、ドロドロになった脳を覚醒させるためにクスリの瓶を振り何錠あるかも数えることなく口にする。夜は眠るためにまた薬瓶を逆さにするのだ。
半年もすると、身体が慣れたせいかクスリの効き目が無くなってきて、魔力はほとんど増強せず、アカデミーの成績も低下する一方だった。
「風の魔法を使ってみなさい。…そよ風が精一杯なのか？お前は本当に使えないな。カレンベルク家の令嬢は竜巻を起こせるらしいぞ。学業も優秀らしい。それに引き換えお前は…もっと真剣に取り組むのだぞ」
能力には限界がある。いくら努力したって無駄だ。
何もかも嫌になったし、全てがどうだってよくなった。
Ulrich himself was captured without much resistance. When he was brought to the estate of Zeyen, surrounded by about ten strong knights, he raised his house and looked straight ahead.
He was imposing and calm, and even had a wisp of a smile on his mouth. He was not upset, angry, bewildered, or resigned; he even seemed to feel a sense of accomplishment.
His complexion changed when he entered the hall of the pavilion. It was when he saw his father’s figure there.
Father…”
It was the first time I saw Ulrich’s face show emotion. Confused and afraid.
Count Bernhard strode up to his son. Standing directly in front of him, he looked straight at him. Ulrich is slightly taller and looks up at him.
There was a pause, and then a dull thud. There was a dull thud. The sound of bone colliding with bone.
Ulrich fell to the floor as if bursting. He looked up at his father with a bewildered and surprised expression.
How did you…?
I didn’t think you… were this stupid.”
The Count revealed a fierce anger.
I wanted you to grow up to be the heir apparent of the Count’s family. I thought you had finally become serious, but you…”
Ulrich did not press his reddened cheeks, but simply slumped his shoulders and hung his head.
But I’m the one who pushed you into a corner when you were so young. I am sorry.”
The Count sat down. Then he put his hand on his son’s shoulder. There was a glint in the Count’s eyes. Ulrich looked up, met his father’s eyes, and his shoulders shook.
I’m sorry, Father…I’m sorry…”
Ulrich cried, clinging to his father’s back.
Ulrich’s eyes widened as he cried, “I’m so sorry….
*
- * Ulrich von Bernhard.
When I was a child, people around me thought I was a brilliant kid, and I thought so myself.
But unfortunately for me, I had two younger sons, the Dauphin and the Marquise. I don’t know how many times I was humiliated by their talent from a young age.
No matter how hard I try, I can’t beat them…”
The feeling of inferiority ate away at my heart and led me in the wrong direction.
Can’t you even do this? The Kallenbergs recite this entire book by heart!
‘Your strength is weak! Master Alec’s sword is much heavier!
The highness who observed today’s meeting was advised on the measures of the Gerd region, and they were adopted. The kingdom is safe.
The adults around him, his father and tutors, were always saying things to him to inspire him, and it was very irritating.
My mother, who had gently patted me on the head when I cried out because I could no longer stand the harsh discipline and education, passed away, leaving me as a young child.
My stepmother, who became my father’s wife, was a kind person, but we did not become close. Soon after, a younger sister and a younger brother were born. My father told me that he expected me to be a legitimate son, but his eyes were clearly on my newborn brother.
Having no place to stay at home, I wandered around King’s Landing. As I sat in a corner of a complicated alleyway, a boy about my age approached me. He led me to a store at the end of the alley that smelled of excrement.
He led me to a seedy drinking establishment called “Beane. It was a cesspool, but like a cesspool, it had everything. Liquor, medicine, women.
The only thing that was missing was a bunch of trivial ties. No one cared what happened to me. Everyone there was my friend, regardless of rank. They are all people who have been ostracized by their families.
I think it was the red-haired woman who first gave me the potion. I was feeling a little less than elated after the excitement on the second floor of the store when she offered it to me. It looked like pink gummy bears.
Just drink this and you’ll forget all the bad things you’ve done.
The guy was right. After a few moments of drinking, the discomfort was gone, and I was pleasantly intoxicated. It was much more uplifting than alcohol. I felt like I could do anything. The next day, however, was the worst. My brain seemed to dissolve into mush, and I was overcome with an intense sadness.
In that case, you should drink this.
The fellow gave me a white pill, but it turned out to be a magic potion as well.
With the magic potion, my brain was heightened and I could concentrate far more than usual. My father and tutors were truly happy when I was able to do so.
After entering the academy, I continued to go to the store regularly. I could no longer lead a normal daily life without drugs. In the morning, I would shake a bottle of pills to wake up my brain, which had turned to mush, and take a mouthful without counting how many pills there were. At night, he would turn the bottle upside down again to sleep.
After six months, his body had become accustomed to the drugs and they no longer worked, his magical power had barely increased, and his grades at the academy were declining.
He was not satisfied with the results of the academy. …Is a gentle breeze the best you can do? You really are useless. I heard that the daughter of the Kallenbergs can create tornadoes. They say she’s an excellent student. You, on the other hand… take yourself more seriously.
There is a limit to your abilities. No matter how hard you try, it’s useless.
I was sick of everything, and it all didn’t matter anymore.
Translated with www.DeepL.com/Translator (free version)
コメント